Two months ago, I was thrust into the world of long-distance connection with my grandchildren. I had been a hands-on grandparent, rejoicing in joining them once a week while their parents worked. Watching them from infancy was a fond reminder of raising my own children. However, they came with their own individual personalities, and therefore digging into my own creativity and flexibility.
Technology has given us an exciting way to communicating with our loved ones. In a world that only got smaller, grandparents are now interacting with their grandchildren using a variety of video applications. How wonderful it is to see the faces of the children so dear to us. Even better, we can hear their voices and be an active participant in watching them grow and change. However, telephones and computers are stationary and the children on the other end are not. They are moving, maturing and changing in their interests constantly. I, on the other end of the interaction, wanted to be a participant. Without the hands-on arena, the world changed. I needed to change. Time for the proverbial “thinking cap”.
Professionally I am an Advanced Nurse Practitioner in Pediatrics, providing care for neonates through young adults. I have practiced for many years, have seen thousands of children from many different cultural and economic settings. There is never anything that is the same as I go throughout my day. One visit is for a neonate where we will discuss nutrition, stimulation, sleeping and other habits of an infant. In the next room I will discuss nutrition, education, sleeping and other habits and needs of the young adult. Wellness comes with its own diversity, including chronic illness as well as physical, emotional and learning disabilities. In between are the sick kids. Although I still provide primary care, I developed an expertise with children struggling with various emotional and learning difficulties such as eating disorders, attention deficit disorders, anxiety and developmental delays.
I have also been gifted with my own children and grandchildren. I loved raising my children. Their individuality challenged me. They taught me the behind the scenes stuff that became food for my daily conversations with parents and patients in my office. When they were young and involved in sports, I helped coach their teams. The challenge of parenting is that “they don’t come with a manual”. One was a computer geek, another an artistic scientist and another was an athlete. I respected the differences they brought to the table.
And then came my grandchildren! So did the nature hikes, the games, the books and their own personalities. I was proud that I could keep up with them and challenged by a new personality and generational set. The car seats were different, organic was in, and technology was no longer about simple computers and pac man. Now, as we were tumulted into the world of Covid-19, the world of distancing and protection, I had to relearn ways to laugh with them, play with them, touch them and to be a grandmother in the world of video communication.
Video connections, to me, were for conferencing, meetings and occasionally socializing with another adult. Now it would be with D, who is six, and A, who is three. How could I make this thing work? I now had to spend my time with a medium of connection, in my instance, Facetime, which is stationary. How many three and six-year-old children like to be in one place for any length of time? How could I keep their attention? When I was physically with them, I could change an activity when they got bored. I could take them outside, change a game, or begin a new activity. How does one accomplish it in front of a stationary screen? D and A were different ages, they had their own developmental styles. They also have their own likes and dislikes.
I got down to business and began researching ways to interact with children over a distance. Embraced with some “knowledge” I set out to begin my new career, that of a grandparent relying on virtual visits to maintain a connection with D and A. I could do medical virtual visits, so what would be so hard about using the same medium to interact with kids?
Technology gave me quick answers. There are lots of activities to do with children during a virtual visit. I filed them by games, books and other activities such as singing, eating and cooking. My “warehouse” was being stocked. Then the professional kicked in. A piece was missing, the variable called being human. Kids come in all different ages and have different skills. They join us at different times of day so fatigue, hunger and other distractions are a factor. Think about it as the dinner table. There is the procrastinator, the child who has a million things to do before they come to the table. Then there is the speed eater, the mover and shaker the kid who knows his friend is waiting outside. The other end of the table is us, the grandparents. We offer up our ability of communicating through the visual medium only. Then there is the comfort of “going with the flow”. When reading a book does not work, what is Plan A, Plan B and even plan C.
Whether we are grandparenting over a distance due to the Covid quarantine or just the physical distance, we have an edge. We accept the flailing feet we see on the screen and the pregnant silences brought on when an activity does not fit the bill. We are enthralled with the youngster in front of their own screen, well maybe sometimes in front of it as I was quick to discover.
My own advantage is the incredible knowledge I have gained through years of working with children. As I began my own journey, I decided it was important to share my experiences both as a grandparent and a professional. Those guys we are talking to make us love, laugh and learn. They don’t judge us. You supply your experiences, flexibility and your knowledge of them as individuals. There are hundreds of activities listed when you search “activities with children through the video medium”. I will share some of these activities. I will also add the human perspective of maturity and other circumstantial matters that impact the time you have with your grandchild.
