Oh, how much I miss my nature walks with the boys. I am a country girl at heart. I grew up in a home surrounded by farms. I helped deliver calves before I helped deliver human infants. I hiked and camped to learn about the flora and fauna. My grandsons embodied some of this and so I loved it even more. After finding an interesting wildflower we would investigate. They loved the name and the appearance of the tutti frutti strawberry plant. They were intrigued by the smell of the skunk cabbage plant. They watched bees seeking nectar in clover and butterflies settling in the trees.
“Stop,” A would say as we navigated through the woods. “What do you hear?” “The wind, birds, woodpeckers, chipmunks we all offered.” Could we continue our love of plants and animals behind different screens and in different places? We could, I knew because those things delighted them. I had seen them grow, change and develop their own interests.
I was fortunate to see my grandchildren frequently until now. I loved to watch their personalities evolve. How would I have navigated the world of virtual visits when they were young? We cannot hug them, change their diapers or feed them.
We can video chat with them. Hearing and vision are present at birth, unless there is a medical problem. They can see faces from about 12 inches away. They develop different responses to parents’ voices and gradually incorporate other familiar voices. I frequently tell parents that a newborn is studying parents’ faces so they can learn how to smile, an important developmental milestone for communication.
What about screen time
Parents may worry about the effect of screen time on infants. Although the Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend screen time for infants and toddlers under 18 months, this does not include video chats. Their screen provides a responsive interaction which is helpful in developing language. Researchers have found evidence that infants begin to identify when a screen holds a real face and when it does not. Simple games of peek-a-boo can rouse laughter and expectant waiting in an infant. What we also know is that this type of interaction is better than the phone which serves only the auditory sense.
How awesome it is that young toddlers begin to process and understand that the real face on the screen is not living in the box. Kids start by sharing their food with grandparents, handing the food to the screen or placing it behind the screen. The parent sitting next to them can explain that Grandpa lives in a different house. When a connection is lost the parent’s response is simply, “we have to fix the computer”.
Making it work
Learning to smile and respond is key to the development of communication and interactions with other humans. It is paramount in building relationships. No fancy toys are needed, just the talking, singing and smiling. Virtually an infant can begin to see your face and hear your voice. Make eye to eye contact with them, sing to them and converse with them. By four months, laugh with them. Make tummy time interesting by having the parent place the screen so it is visible to the prone infant. By nine months of age, infants play simple games such as peek-a-boo and patty cake. Read books to them changing your tone with the mood of the sentences of the book.
These interactions can be enhanced with parental support. Determine times which work for your virtual visit. On your end, if the infant is tired or hungry at your planned visit, set another date. Try to visit at least once a week. Make eye contact. Find the place on your side of the screen which allows for the eye to eye contact.
Enlist parental assistance in playing games with the baby. If they enjoy a little bouncing on the knee, sing “Pop Goes the Weasel”, or another of your choice and when you say “pop” have the parent bounce the infant on their knee. If you blow a kiss, have the parent blow on the infant’s ear. If you play patty cake, parents can help the infant to clap.
Although the actual physical contact of a little kiss or hug is missing from the virtual visit, endearment is appreciated even from afar. Blowing a loving kiss over a screen is the same as blowing one when you are near your grandchild.
Enhancing virtual visits
Pictures of grandparents doing things they enjoy doing is a way for a parent to talk to an infant about his or her grandparents. Have pictures near the crib or changing table to stimulate conversation. Make an album to be looked at during story time that tells about your life. Add some pictures of when their parents were children. I don’t know too many kids who don’t love looking at such pictures.
Give them a gift of a second language. Learning a second language does not require the same translation process needed by the older individual learning a language. Words from different languages are treated more like synonyms allowing a youngster to navigate between two languages. Encourage a parent who shares your language use it frequently when speaking to their child. It is never too early to offer a second language.